The story thus far: We sent out a request to recruit an escort and three B-rank adventurers remained as candidates.

Honestly, it all sounds like a farce at this point, with a bald macho man who looks like a complete foil, a K9-looking beastman, and a beautiful red-haired swordsman remaining.

Isekai reincarnation stories such as this have that trope where the red-haired swordsman is your only choice. It would only be disappointing as hell if I suddenly created a harem of all ages despite presenting myself as a misogynist, right? Choosing the red-haired women here would most likely get me bashed for having a blatantly obvious, shallow, and flimsy desire of wanting to be cool and popular in spite of not wanting either of those.

So, don’t worry. It’s not just this woman. In this world where blonde or brown hair is the norm, a red-haired, not to mention—a beauty, can only be an important character. Besides, I’ve been saying that I hate women. Do you actually expect me to be at ease if I’m swamped with sows around?

“All right. Tell me your names and special skills one by one, starting from you. I want to know what’s in it for me by hiring you.”

“I am Hibiscus. No one can top me when it comes to the sword and the use of fire magic.”

“My name is Basil, and I used to work at a barn. If you ever have a rowdy horse, you can leave it to me and my prized muscles!”

“Olive. Former mercenary. I’ve done multiple escort jobs.”

I see, so muscle baldy is called Basil, the untalkative doggy is Olive, and the red-haired woman is Hibiscus. Is it just me, or there are way too many people here named after plants? My sister is named Mari Gold and my maid is named Laurier. Then again, I’m Hawk and my old man is called Eagle, so I guess names aren’t limited to plants only.

“Well then, follow me for now and don’t say a word. You may reply or make gestures if prompted, however.”

“Okay.”

“Un’erstood.”

“Roger that.”

We, including the blue-haired maid, wandered around the mansion. The more I looked at it, the more I realize that it was a palatial residence with the ostentation of the nouveau riche, but I didn’t think that was a bad thing. After all, my old man used his hard-earned money to coordinate this mansion as he sees fit, so no matter how bad it looks to others, it’s none of their business.

However, the red-haired woman didn’t see it that way and had a blatantly scornful look on her face. Basil the Baldy, on the other hand, showed signs of envy. At least they’re both honest. Mr. Olive was looking here and there, quietly checking the structure of the mansion. I see now. It wasn’t just for show when he said he has done multiple escort jobs.

After our little stroll, we arrived at the dining hall. I had ordered the head chef to prepone lunchtime and prepare our meals. It is only around 10 A.M., but there was already a delicious smell wafting in the air. When I took my seat, steamy dishes were placed in front of me one after the other.

Today’s menu was a well-done thick steak, sauteed vegetables, golden brown bread stacked in a basket, and a hearty tomato-flavored soup. I ate my meal in silence, which would have cost a hefty price at restaurants, in front of the three of them.

The red-haired woman who seemed to detest anything luxurious had a displeased look on her face. Basil the Baldy looked as if he was drooling with envy while Olive was expressionless as usual. I gave Laurier a signaling glance, and she gave instructions to the maids who then headed towards the kitchen.

“From now on, you will eat the same food as I do right in front of me. Due to my position as the heir to a firm, I’ll be dining with other important figures in the future. I need all of you to learn at least the most basic of table manners in case of an emergency.”

Though I said that, my table manners aren’t that great, either. Yet, I’m going to test them as part of their screening. Quite hypocritical, if I dare say so myself.

“Ah, is that so? If you tell me to eat, then so I shall.”

“Oh man, as expected of Gold & Co.’s young master! It’s not every day I get to eat a lavish feast like this, and that too, for free! Hyup! How generous!”

“Un’erstood.”

I can’t believe Hibiscus dared to talk in that tone of voice to her potential employer. Anyway, as the head maid urged them to sit in a row, the same dishes that I just ate were brought to the table in an orderly fashion.

The red-haired woman started eating normally, but somewhat reluctantly. Basil the wild-looking baldy, as expected, is a mess. Nonetheless, he savors his food appetizingly. Mr. Olive, the beastman, has excellent table manners. His facial expression stays the same even while he’s eating, just like a professional escort. I’m sure it would look great on him if I make him wear a black suit. And though his face is shaped like a dog, it’s fascinating to see how he eats just like any other human.

“Apologize for interrupting your meals, but we’re moving on to the next test. The three of you, follow me.”

Now then, how would they react after the much-awaited main course meat dish that was just served has been deliberately taken away from them? The red-haired woman had a somewhat relieved look on her face as she got up from her chair. Basil the Baldy was blatantly disappointed with a face that says “Come on, young master, you can’t just do this after getting my hopes up!” as he looks at me grudgingly, but I like that honesty of his. Mr. Doggie still has the same old poker face. His words, actions, and demeanor are more befitting of a soldier than a mercenary, setting him apart from the other two who reeks of amateurism. He just might be it.

We went back to the garden once again and had the three of them stand side-by-side. It hasn’t been that long yet, but I was able to see a glimpse of their natures.

“Olive, was it? You’re hired as my escort.”

“Thank you. I’ll try to live up to your expectations.”

“And you, too. What was your name again?”

“It’s Basil, young master.”

“I see. Well, Basil, you’re also hired. I assume I can leave the physical labor up to you?”

“All right! Hehe, you can count on me, young master!”

“Lastly, you. I’m going to have to reject you, unfortunately. May fate bring us together again.”

“Wait just a minute! Why am I the only one left out!?!”

Oh? Well, someone’s feisty. She must’ve been over-confident with her own charm. She’s probably both confused and dissatisfied seeing that her knocker-appeal worked on Basil, but not on me. Twisted wenches like her make a complete 180 with their attitude the moment their charm doesn’t work on others, even when they complain when they’re being catcalled.

“As I have mentioned before, I’m going to a lot of business-related meals from now on. I can’t hire someone like you as my escort when your face doesn’t even hide the fact that you hate rich people. Hating the rich is completely your choice, but at least learn to hide that if you’re going to work for the same people you hate.”

That’s right. Be it during the time she looked at me, or when we walked around the mansion, or when she ate her meal, she always had this provoking expression with a sharp look that says, “These shit-for-brains nouveau riches!” There’s no way I can turn a blind eye to that.

It’s fine to hate the rich. I was like that in my previous life, too. I hated the rich so much that whenever there’s a program on TV that looks into the houses of the rich, I would immediately switch channels. It’s a poor man’s gripe, but I understand her feelings. But when you’re working with the rich, not being able to conceal that hatred won’t help.

“Wait! I have a sick sister! She’s only four! I need money for her! Please, I’ll do anything you want, just hire me!!!”

Yeah, I know. When the Adventurer’s Guild introduced you to me, I concurrently told the head maid to conduct a background check on all of you. I know that you’re not just spouting lies. And as much as I’d like to tell her that it’s precisely why I’m not hiring a woman who appears as nothing but a heroine, I don’t think I can weasel my way out of this.

The reason is that people like her play victim, saying they’re underprivileged and weak. And if her sister dies later on as a result of getting rejected here, she’ll say something like; “My sister died because of him!” The probability of her resenting me and coming at me is high. Humans are egotistical creatures, so there’s nothing I can do about that.

And judging from the color of her hair, she’s clearly a heroine character. The death of a heroine’s sister could be a flashback element to delve into her characterization. In other words, if her sister dies because I didn’t hire her here, I’ll just become the bad guy who is the root cause of it all.

If she tearfully tells her friends about her sad past, saying that her sister died because of me, things won’t just end with some handsome man with a strong sense of justice saying, “Hawk Gold! I’ll never forgive you for making her cry!” and bring down judgment.

Some of you might be thinking that I’m mixing up reality and fiction again, but you know what? Fuck reality. I literally got transported to another world after dying from a hit-and-run. There are swords, magic, demons, airships, and dragons soaring the skies, what part of that sounds realistic to you?

“You said you’d do anything, huh? Then, If I asked you to lick my shoes right here and now, would you do it?”

“What?!”

“Don’t be so quick to make promises you can’t keep. If a young and graceful woman like you frivolously says that you’ll do anything, it won’t be just shoes that you’ll be licking.”

I wanted to tell her that she’ll end up being the character of a hentai doujin someday if she keeps up that personality of hers, but I won’t, so I went with a roundabout expression instead. Now, will she choose her pride or her sister? By giving her the freedom to choose from these two options, she’ll have no one to blame but herself for the potential death of her sister’s death in the future because she refused to lick my shoes here, a strategic deception to sidestep the issue at hand.

I couldn’t care less if she backs out here, but if she really wants to work for the sake of her sister even if it means licking some brat’s shoes, it’s better to assert dominance here to establish a master-servant relationship. Don’t look at me, being around a pompous woman who ruins things for herself is more than uncomfortable already.

“Damn it! Fine! I just have to lick your shoes so I get the job, right?!”

“And with a smile, don’t forget. You’re licking the sole of my shoes.”

“What?! Bastard!”

“You’re the one who said you’d do anything to get hired. I don’t mind if you don’t want to do it. The gate is just over there if you want to leave.”

I really thought she was going to leave after having enough of it, but it seems she managed to keep it together despite looking like her blood was boiling with rage. In front of the baldy taken aback by the happenings, the dog who remains standing by in silence, and the expressionless maid, the red-haired woman clenched her fists tightly as her forehead showed visible veins on it.

“Fine! You win! I’ll do it! Don’t you dare take back what you said! If you tell me this was all a lie afterwards, I’ll kill you!!!”

She groveled beneath me, not caring about her bright red hair touching the green grass. This must be quite humiliating for her. She’s probably itching to grab the chance and slash me with the sword by her hip right now, nonetheless, she chose her sister’s welfare, and that’s a choice worthy of respect.

“Stop acting self-important and raise your leg already!”

“No, you’ve done enough. You’re hired.”

“What?”

“You’ve shown me your resolve, and that’s good enough for me. I’ll make you my sister’s escort.”

“…Ah, I see!”

I took a step back from her, whose humiliated expression up until a second ago turned into a flabbergasted face, and turned on my heel.

“The three of you, follow me. I’ll explain each of your jobs.”

Thus, I ended up hiring three escorts. We have enough money, so I don’t have to limit myself to just one of them. The Gold household is rich enough to hire three escorts at once without any problems, as long as they’re all of use. Having all this money is so great, seriously.

Author won a prize at the 9th webnovel contest and will have this series adapted into a light novel under Tsugikuru. It will have a different title and Hawk’s age (both real and game world) will be increased, so it’s going to be a parallel world type of story.

01/07 update: Someone mass released MTL chapters of this on ScribblHub, and I can’t possibly catch up to that many chapters on my own with life and the multiple sidelines I have beating the living shit out of me, so consider this dropped from my side. It was fun while it lasted, though it’s saddening that the successor is an MTLr.

Previous | Table of Contents

It has been ten years since I was reincarnated in this world. Since then, I’ve made it a routine to jog every morning for an hour, practice 1,000 sword swings, and do 10,000 push-ups. Soon enough my efforts have paid off, and I lost weight. I made a promise with a young villainess to become the ultimate pretty couple with her, so your once fatso villain has become a blonde-haired, blue-eyed hottie. After that, I discovered the cheat skill that was dormant inside me and became the world’s strongest swordsman.

Haha, pranked. There’s no way in hell that shit happened. Not even ten days have passed since I was reincarnated.

I think I have a vague recollection of a classmate in my previous life telling me that he’ll up his game once he gets reincarnated in another world, but you know what they say; once a slacker, always a slacker. Why don’t you try leading a different lifestyle starting from tomorrow and wake up an hour earlier to jog and shower before you go to school or work? Impossible, right?

I’m one of those people who give up on the very first day and go back to sleep instead. In fact, just setting an alarm the night before feels like a major achievement for me.

That’s why I remained an incompetent and lazy fatass even after I actually got reincarnated. Dieting won’t save my horrendous face nor does learning the ways of the sword or magic make sense when I’m going to succeed my father as a young CEO. But since I am reincarnated in a world where both exist, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t interested.

This world is like a social game with eleven kinds of magic elements existing. Each race, whether human, elf, demon, or some other, is born with an affinity to an element that aligns with their aptitude, and cannot use magic with a different element. To test things out, I summoned an appraiser to measure mine, and as it turned out, I had an aptitude for dark magic. My little sister Mari, on the other hand, had a light aptitude. Both our parents have a dark aptitude, so she really shares the blood of our mother’s old lover.

Though the aptitudes of parents are easily inherited by their children, it is not always the case. I’m told that a fire aptitude father and a water aptitude mother giving birth to a wind aptitude child isn’t a rare occurrence. But at the very least, my fat father will probably disown Mari for good the moment he knows her appraisal results, so it’s better I keep quiet about it.

Anyway, it seems the only way I can learn magic in this world is by going to school or hiring a private tutor. But Royal Academy, the sole educational institution in this country, only allows enrollment from ages ten and above. It is not compulsory education, however, for only the richest of the rich families can send their children there.

Putting this country’s educational circumstances aside, my family is crazy rich, so my father easily complied with my request of hiring a private tutor. Man, it feels great to be rich!

Only having an affinity for dark magic when there are eleven kinds of elements makes me wonder if I really am the protagonist here. An overpowered protagonist would’ve had an SSS-rank aptitude with all eleven elements, or is the only person who would be compatible with the legendary 12th element, or has the ability to nullify all magic elements in exchange for not possessing any. It wouldn’t be unusual if any of those cliché cheats ever existed.

Oh well, there’s no use in asking for something non-existent. Life is always unfair, and no matter how much you complain about the cards you’ve been dealt with, you can only play with the cards you already have.

The Adventurer’s Guild said that looking for a dark-aptitude private tutor would take some time. Hence, I decided to do my major cleanup, or more precisely a drastic downsizing and remodeling of our mansion.

If you think that it’s not an easy feat to achieve, you’re forgetting something: I am a nouveau riche son. Hugging my fatso old man’s ridiculously large beer belly as I pleaded him— “My beloved Papa! A maid tried killing me so I don’t want to see any of them anymore-oink! If you don’t fire all the maids in our mansion, I’ll start hating you-oink!” was all that I needed to do.

Are you really fine with that, Eagle Gold? You can’t even live up to your own name yet you still have the gall to name your own son Hawk when you’re both pigs. There’s a limit to being conceited, you know? Whatever, I’ll turn a blind eye to it only for today because things are in my favor. No wonder Hawk’s personality is so distorted.

That being said, firing all the maids would result in complete discontinuation of the mansion’s work, so we kept a few decent personnel such as the blue-haired maid who clearly has a dark side to her. We fired the rest of the maids who were ditching work because they were busy fighting for my father’s love as well as those who treated my little sister terribly. To make up for the loss of personnel, we’re recruiting a large number of people who want to work for us via the Adventurer’s Guild.

Naturally, barely anyone was queer enough to actually want to work for a household with a terrible reputation, so we had to lure them in with a high salary. As an initial investment, it’s an unavoidable expense. Besides, it’s my old man who’s going to pay anyway.

In the process, I remodeled my sister’s room, which had been in a state of complete squalor, and improved the ventilation in the mansion, both physically and in terms of human relations. As a result, the mansion drastically transformed from an abominable household filled with stagnant air to a much more decent and livable home.

The maids who were fired because of one retarded son’s whims bore a grudge against us and spread our bad reputation in town. Not like they’re adding any more fuel to the fire when this tyrannic father-and-son duo has always been known for their notoriety.

As I was sorting out the relationships around me, my father asked me if I wanted to hire an escort. It’s only natural for a doting father to make such a suggestion when the son whom he adores so much was pushed down the stairs and almost got killed by the maid (or so he thinks).

In this dangerous fantasy world where demons and bandits can easily kill people, not being able to secure my own safety at the critical moment is terrifying, so we contacted the Adventurer’s Guild and sent out a request to recruit skilled adventurers willing to work as an escort. Since Hawk’s bratty attitude was known by practically everyone, no one would take up on the offer unless we lure them in with a large sum of money.

Nevertheless, it’s great that the Adventurer’s Guild exists. The perks of being a Mar(ty) Sue reincarnate are showing.

Moreover, the unique science and technology of this magical world are already developed to a certain degree. Electricity using lightning magic, gas using fire magic, and water supply using water magic are commonplace. This is why there are showers in bathrooms that give you hot water from the twist of a knob, Western-style toilets with a bidet function using water magic, and other fantasy elements that ruin the standard of living.

Airships that look straight-out of an RPG soar the skies but no vehicle other than horse carriages roam the city streets. Gas lamps and lights are lit by magic and emit an ethereal light as you write with a quill on ordinary paper that is more widely used than parchment. Downtown restaurants serve you a big bowl of rice, saucy tonkatsu with thinly shredded cabbage, miso soup, and green tea as if it’s the norm here. The setup of this world is terribly confusing, so you can probably relate to me suspecting that this is some kind of fictional world. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s convenient, though.

After all that had happened, the day to choose my escort has arrived.

“Thank you for gathering here today, ladies and gentlemen. I will now conduct a selection test to determine if you are worthy of being my escort. I am a merchant’s son, so allow me to assess the value of your “merchandise” with my own eyes.”

A group of B-rank adventurers gathered in the garden of Gold estate which had the size of a small elementary school. Adventurers range from S to E-rank. A-rank adventurers earn enough money to lead a happy-go-lucky life for the rest of their lives without having to work as escorts. Most of them already work for other prestigious nobilities, so it’s unlikely for them to come to a nouveau riche firm like ours. S-rank adventurers on the other hand are full of inhuman people who can subjugate a dragon on their own and can turn the tides of war in one fell swoop, so their lives are also prospering.

Meanwhile, D-rank adventurers and below are either worthless people or those who have just started out. We don’t do earlier-than-usual employments, so I’m not considering them.

Hence, I decided to target the fairly decent ones who are lingering in C or B-ranks, who have a huge gap between B and A-rank, and those who think they have maxed out their potential as adventurers and want to retire or settle with a regular job. In the end, I narrowed the requirements to B-rank only to raise the quality even higher.

The test has already begun—unbeknownst to them. Those who look at me with ridiculing eyes just because I’m a kid get an immediate no from me. Those with bad posture or poor attire, even though their future employer is right in front of them are also rejected. We run a firm here.

Trust and first impressions are everything to a merchant, so they can’t be seen accompanied by some immodest hooligans. Those who didn’t suit up for an interview even when no one stated that casual clothing is acceptable and those who sit sluggishly in front of their employer are disqualified. Therefore, this is the perfect time to screen candidates.

“You, you, you, and you. You four are going for the second stage of the exam, so follow me. The rest of you did not pass, unfortunately. I wish you success in your future endeavors.”

“Hey! Who the hell do you think you are telling me to leave when you’re the one who told me to come at your convenience?!”

A boorish man began threatening me. Wow, he’s the exact embodiment of a small fry yakuza. He probably thinks a little intimidation will make a five-year-old spoiled brat give in.

“Laurier.”

“Certainly, young master. Ladies and gentlemen, if you refuse to accept our terms, I’m afraid that we will have to use force. This is all for the sake of our young master’s safety, so please bear with us.”

The blue-haired maid whom I ordered to be on standby suddenly emitted a menacing aura around her. And just like that, the adventurer who was trying to quarrel with me choked on his own breath and became immobilized with fear. I ordered her to do this, but exactly what kind of maid is she to easily send chills down this B rank adventurer who has probably had his fair share of experience?

Ah. One of the four people whom I just selected is contorting his face in fear. Sorry for him, but he’s out.

“Thanks for saving me the trouble of conducting your exam. You three will be proceeding to the next exam. This is where it ends for you, however.  May fate bring us together again.”

Hence, three adventurers were left as my escort candidates.

The first one was a bald and muscular middle-aged man who looks like a complete foil character that could actually get KO’d in a flash by the story’s hero or heroine at the Adventurer’s Guild or tavern.

The second one was a black-haired beastman of a certain age with a stern look on his face. You read that right, a beastman—and it seems they also exist in this world. It’s the first time I’ve seen one so I couldn’t help but stare at him even though it’s impolite. His face is just like a dog’s, and his entire body is covered in fur. It makes me wonder what the structure of his human body is like. It’s different from a fursuit… I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. As much as I want to touch him, treating him like a dog on our first meeting is outright rude, so I restrained myself.

The last person definitely is on a whole ‘nother level with the unique vibe she gives. A stunning red-haired swordsman, perhaps another heroine-type of character just like the head maid.

Lately, I noticed that there are people in this world with very colorful hair dyed in red, blue, green, etc. It is extraordinary even for the standards of this world since blond or brown hair is the norm for most people. But this doesn’t mean that they’re rare themselves, for not even her or the people around her point this out.

For some reason, the swordsman beauty with her long and flashy red hair as if to scream at my face “I’m a main character!” was appealing to me with highly revealing clothing, exposing her knockers. If I were the old Hawk who’s a complete sucker for typical women, I would’ve hired her right away based on her looks alone.

I dare say her ulterior motive is to easily lure me in by showing off just a little skin, assuming I’m some gullible and profligate son. That was the case until just a few days ago, though. Sorry to burst your bubble, red-haired heroine candidate, but your petty tricks will only backfire on a misogynist like me.

One hell of a wordy chapter this was. Hope you enjoyed some world building details, I know some readers dig that stuff. Next chapter is going to be a sequel.

Previous | Table of Contents | Next

“Hawkieeeeee! Is my wittle Hawkie all wight?! Oh, you poor little angel! Here, Papa bought you your faaavorite cake!!!”

It is said that parents have a massive impact on a child’s development. Love from parents positively influences the child while any form of abuse or abdication affects them negatively. It is also said that children are like a mirror of their parents. However, as you can see, my father is like this.

Had I not regained the memories from my previous life, I probably would have replied like so:

“Waaaaaaah! Papa!!! My boo-boo huwts so much!!! I will nevew fowgive that bully maid! Pwease wuin hew life fow making me suffew like this! Boo-hoo-hoo! Oink!!!”

Now, do you understand why the blue-haired maid questioned my identity last time? Hawk Gold is a God-forsaken scum that’s a pig in and out. I feel sorry for all the actual pigs out there, honestly.

“Now, now. Just think of it as me having been bitten by a dog. I’ll be more careful around the females from now on.”

“What?! My little Hawkie seems rather aloof, Papa is in shock! Is this what they call an early rebellious phase?!”

Being embraced by this greasy middle-aged man as he rubs his cheeks against mine is nothing short of torture. But I cannot afford to offend him, a business tycoon, so I could only give a bitter smile.

Otherwise, I would be treated the same way as Mari Gold, my step-sister. My father, late mother, and I all have blond hair and blue eyes. It is only Mari who has purple eyes, which made my mother suspected of cheating.

A woman of undeniable beauty, my mother was supposed to marry a man whom she loved, but my rich and powerful father forced her into rape and got pregnant with me instead. After giving birth, she suffered mentally and had an affair with her old lover, giving birth to Mari later on. When my father asked her about this, she gulped down poison and died there and then.

Hence, Mari is being treated like a parasite in the Gold household even at the age of three. Oh, right. I forgot to mention this last time, but I’m currently five years old. It’s not every day you hear about a five-year-old sexually harassing his maid.

As a result of forcing the woman he loved into his arms with money and power, he was cheated on. Left with a second child who isn’t even his after her mother committed suicide in front of his very eyes, he wonders whether he should just kill her or toss her in a convent.

It’s surprising how he has a serious past when his existence is almost like a joke in itself, but I won’t tell him that. He must be morbidly doting on me as an insinuation to my sister who’s under house arrest and probably has no plans of sharing the cake with her, either.

“You can come out now.”

“Thank you, big brother.”

After I got rid of my father, I called out to my sister who was hiding in the closet. Living the first three years of her life bereft of her father’s affection who is in fact harboring hatred towards her, with maids treating her as if she were air, and her dumb brother tyrannizing her with a shit-eating grin, I’d say she’s doing exceptionally well for someone her age.

If I was in her shoes, I would’ve wished my retarded brother dead after he fell down the stairs. And yet, here she is, sneaking out of her own room just to check on me. If the maids find out, they will definitely drag her back to her room and lock her up again.

Even I, a misogynist, have nothing to say against this jumpy and timid three-year-old girl. I’m not that much of an asshole. She’s always cautious of the gazes around her yet at the same time, holds on firmly to the belief that her father or brother will learn to love and accept her one day.

“I guess the rumors about you changing were true, big brother.”

“I did not. I just learned the need to keep appearances.”

That’s a lie, of course. I’m practically a different person now. If I really was the scum she knew, this is what he’d tell his little sister who took great pains just to see him:

 “I bet you only came here to ridicule me, to tell me I got what I deserved-oink! I’m telling Papa you snuck out of your room to laugh at me-oink!!!”

But, well, for my own little sister, who’s locked up in a gloomy storeroom they call her “room” all-year-round, to hear about the rumors of me suddenly changing in this short period of time means it has spread throughout the entire mansion already. I don’t think it was the blue-haired maid who did it, though. Maybe someone was eavesdropping on our conversation earlier?

Because my fat father is an oblivious prick who cannot stand there being a filthy man in the house, most of the maids who work for us are his mistresses. In other words, someone out there is aiming to become the president’s wife.

He seems to love women fondly, but the trauma with my late mother must have turned him into a woman-hater if anything. That’s why he devours the maids as if he’s taking his revenge on the entire female gender, seducing them with sweet words even though he doesn’t mean it, and enjoying the sight of the idiotic women falling right under his thumb.

Nonetheless, the greedy females feign ignorance to his real intentions. Living in a house where there’s a lot of fighting going on in between them is more than enough to make me sick. You’d think that I’m lucky for being reborn in a wealthy household, but there are just so many rich people problems that it’s so bothersome.

“…Really?”

“Yeah. That’s why I’ll be nicer to you. That doesn’t mean you should take advantage of it, though.”

“…Okay, big brother.”

She hung her head low, understanding that her big brother not changing means that he still hates her. Even then, she showed subtle signs of joy, as her face lit up slightly upon hearing that her brother will treat her nicely, albeit an act.

She’s sensible for a three-year-old. If a sister-character like her only develops a brother complex in the future, then it won’t be as bad. If that gets out of hand though, there’s a possibility she might turn into some typical yandere who will follow me wherever I go, so I don’t want to treat her all that nicely, to be honest.

You’re probably thinking that I shouldn’t be mixing my perceptions of reality with that of anime, but I was reincarnated as the Mar(t)y Sue protagonist of this world, so there’s no guarantee that the people here are real. I mean, I literally have a blue-haired maid and a purple-eyed younger sister, does any of that sound realistic to you? Not to me.

But what’s real is the unpleasant atmosphere in this household; what with slapping a five-year-old and making him fall down the stairs as well as shaming a three-year-old girl. Hell, this house is filled with my father’s mistresses who aren’t even afraid of eavesdropping.

I suppose I’ll do some major cleanup once I’m well enough to be up and moving around.

Note: I’ll see whether I can keep three or four releases every month. I’m having my uni finals till June (crazy, I know, but so is the world right now) so I can’t say for sure until then.

Previous | Table of Contents | Next

I hate women. But I hate those who ask me if I’m gay even more. I don’t get along with dimwits who associate hating women with liking men, nor do I want to. But don’t get me wrong, I am in no way being sexist. What I hate are the so-called retards.

For example, the old hag who was busy with her phone and completely disregarded the traffic signals should have died instead of me. I was hit by her car on my way home from school, and before I realized it, I’ve been reincarnated into this world.

I’ve ridiculed this type of anime countless times over the internet, but I never would have thought that I’d be a Mar(t)y Sue myself. I’ve been reborn as someone named Hawk Gold, an idiotic, fat little shit who’s the only son of a large company called Gold & Co.

“Young master!”

“Are you all right?!”

The beautiful maids frantically rushed over to me after I received a hard slap from the new maid whose ass I groped, making me tumble all the way down my mansion’s ridiculously meaningless long flight of stairs in style. She, however, remains standing at the top of the stairs, her face ghostly pale. She must have slapped me by reflex after she felt my hand under her skirt indecently touching her, not expecting the momentum from it would send me flying. It was merely an unfortunate accident.

It looks like I regained the memories of my previous life when I hit my head hard. Wait, my personality seems to have merged with the other. Does this mean I’m dead? I guess not. My memories from this life are still intact. One thing’s for sure though, I feel like I can die anytime soon from the pain I’m experiencing; my head’s bleeding, and my consciousness is fading away. I literally just got here, but I’m about to die again. Someone, give me a break.

The next time I regained consciousness, I was lying on top of some canopy bed complete with drapes. You’ve gotta be kidding me, this looks exactly like those princess beds in anime.

“Have you woken up?”

Just when I was about to ask “Who the hell are you?”, my memories from this world came surging into my head that it hurt. Of course, let’s not forget the fact that I just fell from an outrageously long flight of stairs, but it’s not the outside that hurts right now, it’s the inside.

It seems I wasn’t one to have a sharp tongue. Had I been the original Hawk Gold, I would politely ask, “My apologies, but who are you?” But my memories from both worlds are all jumbled up in my head that it’s messing up my personality. It’s nauseating.

“Ugh!”

“You must not overexert yourself. You suffered an injury so serious, the doctor said that it’s a miracle you’re still alive.”

“…What happened to the maid?”

“She was handed over to the police at once. Though it may have not been on purpose, it was still attempted murder.”

“I see.”

Sucks to be her. Who would have thought that she’d end up getting arrested for protecting herself from being sexually harassed?

Sure, it was my fault for being so savage as to grope a maid’s ass without permission, but that doesn’t stop me from not feeling bad when I’m here being tormented by intense pain all over my body and my head wrapped in a bloody bandage.

“Do you have any painkillers?”

“You have already been injected with one. It is highly potent, and intaking an oral painkiller will come with perilous side effects. Would you still like to have it?”

“Never mind, then.”

“Understood. Forgive me for asking this, but who might you be?”

The blue-haired maid in glasses looked down at me with cold eyes. I’m clearly behaving in a way that’s opposite to the original Hawk Gold, so it’s only understandable that she’d have her suspicions. The original Hawk would have started wailing like a baby and cause a big ruckus the moment he woke up.

Idiotic, egotistic, and self-centered, Hawk Gold is nothing but a shitty brat spoiled by his father for being his only son. But he suddenly turned into a different person, so I guess she’s the one who has the right to be questioning identities here.

“I am who I am. Who else do you see in me other than Hawk Gold?”

“However, from the looks of it…”

“My memory is cloudy. I hit my head hard, remember? I’m only suffering from mild gynophobia after being dazed.”

Shit, I’m disgusted at myself just by talking. I know I’m talking in a way humans should in this fantasy world, but since I was Japanese in my previous life, I feel so weirded out, chilly, even. However, those were the words that came out of my mouth.

If only my previous life’s memories or personality completely overwrote my current one, not some half-assed mix like this, I wouldn’t feel so confused and uncomfortable. To the bastard who reincarnated me; If you’re gonna do it, at least do it right!

“However…”

“You’re so persistent and awfully impertinent for a mere maid, Laurier. The likes of you should just do as you’re told.”

“Pardon my rude behavior.”

Ah, right, Laurier. I think that’s her name. Despite her young age, she is considered a veteran amongst the many maids serving the Gold household, so she must be the head maid.

But how should I say this… The air around her is more like that of an assassin. She doesn’t make a sound when she walks nor has a recognizable presence. I didn’t notice at all until I regained the memories from my previous life, but she’s definitely not the honest type. I suspect that she’s those one of those maids made for battle.

In most Isekai reincarnation works, such women should be told something like “Don’t treat yourself like some tool! You are an important person to me!” and then they respond with “A mere tool like me yada yada,” to increase their favorability towards you, but on the contrary, it decreased.

However, there’s no doubt that I feel neutral towards this woman. If anything, being questioned about this and that bothers me, so I warned her to keep her trap shut. After all, she knows better than anyone that there wasn’t any spare time for me to have been replaced with a fake after losing consciousness from falling down the stairs.

“I’m going to sleep. Tell the police that Gold & Co. has no intentions of making a scene.”

“As you wish.”

With this, the arrested maid won’t be acquitted, so she’s been spared from being sent to jail. This will count as her first offense. Thinking about it now, coming up with a suggestion like this really doesn’t make me seem like I am His Oinkiness.

I bet the original Hawk Gold would have whiplashed her, locked her up in the dungeon to experience gruesome torture as revenge. I can’t shake off the feeling that I’ve been reborn as a tyrant, but that still doesn’t give me an excuse to act like a sorry excuse for a human being.

Nonetheless, both my head and body hurt like hell, so I’m going to sleep for now. This is how I ended up spending my first day after reincarnating—bedridden.

Note: ‘sup guys, I thought the summary of this was pretty interesting(unique?) so I picked it up despite the fact that it just started a little over last month. I’d like to know the readers’ thoughts and reactions first before I continue to translate this on a regular schedule. If it’s good enough, I’m thinking of releasing every one-two week/s. If not… Eh, we’ll see.

Note 2: I really wanted to translate the title as “Misogynistic Moefag” but I figured only those familiar with 4chan know about the term…so I kept freak instead. Yes, the title is deliberately derogatory even in Japanese.

Summary | Table of Contents | Next