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ITK C159: Almighty, Annoying Deity

I am a god, the divine king who dost rule over all, knoweth all, is commanding respect and revered by all mortals, and the mightiest Almighty who possesses all the virtues and suffers zero flaws.
Such is me, Zeus, God of the Heavens, and there is nary a single thing in this wide world I cannot achieve.

…I am home.

“Welcome home. Although I wish you never did’st return back here.”

What didst thee say, Hermes, son?

“T’is nothing. A thought comes to mind about it now, but tis a bless’d thing thee cameth back early fore thee always causeth trouble whenever thou venture outside. I’d rather thee stayeth holed up in here and not wend out and about forever. Tis for the benefit of the people and this world.”

Aw, what a spoiled brat thou art, not wanting to be parted from thy father even for a moment. ♡


Didst I perchance heareth that young imp click his tongue?

“Anyway, didst thou wend out to call upon Uncle Hades? Were thou able to meet that gent? And didst thou receiveth an earful?”

Nay, I couldst not meet Hades.
Dost not that gent reside in the underworld?
Tis a dark and gloomy edifice down there.

“Uncle did take it upon himself to live underground because that gent deemed his children, the demons, deserve to liveth in the sunny realm above ground. Uncle truly is a liege of most wondrous generosity, the genuine king of the gods!”

And then, there is also Cerberus, their guardian dog, at the entrance to the underworld.
I stood too afeard to enter as it wouldst not yield, barking at me.

“So, thee resigned to coming home with accomplishing naught.”

It wast so scary.
What is with such a hound? All of its hundred heads were barking at me, an omnipotent being, with all their might.
Nothing is scarier than that.
Even a god wouldst not bear such a sight and just turneth back.

“You soundeth like thou art making excuses. Alloweth me to guess, even after all thine boasting of thyself as a god, thee were just afeard out of thy wits, were thee not, father?”

Shut up!
Seriously, what is with that dog?
I am a remarkable god who verily shouldst be well-loved by everyone, so howfore is’t hostile towards me?
If it be true, the beast shouldst be wagging its tail as I approach.

“Tis a guardian dog of the gates of hell, so tis natural for it to stand hostile towards suspicious people.”

I despise dogs.
I despise those folk so much.
I wish all the dogs in the world wouldst disappear.

“They doth say nary a dog lover be an evil person.”

Because of that mutt, I wast not able to meet Hades.
Mine own plan to maketh Hades bequeath of me half the earth hast come to naught.

Fie, how annoying.
For true, it pisses me off.

If it be true I cannot hold dominion over it, I suppose I can just destroyeth the earth.

“That’s what everyone misprizes about thee.”

I am not so sure about such a thing, Hermes.
Whyfore do thee not behold such truth?

“Hm? Is this what’s happening on the ground? It hast been a long time since thee hath used distant vision.”

Just gaze and harken to the conversations of the people in this vision.

“Gaze and harken? … Hmm, I am speculating some courtroom being in trial. The judge is a demon and the defendant is a human. I am guessing tis the humans who hath lost the recent war art at the dock in a military trial.”

Thee has’t valorous eyes, Hermes.

Now, alloweth we take a view of the military trial.

“I, Bishop Saghish, do hereby renounce my faith in Zeus!”


“From now on, I pledge to make Hades, the god of the demon race, to be my only god, and spread his teachings! I will pledge allegiance to the Demon King and work with all my heart and soul, so please, I beg of you!”

“…N-No need for that. The Demon King has granted freedom of religion to the human race, so you don’t have to renounce yours. Besides, the charges brought against you in this trial are for fleeing and disregarding the demon army’s warning to surrender as well as attacking a village whilst doing so…”

“Please, all I want is for you to acquit me in light of my conversion, sir. For that, I will renounce my faith in Zeus and tell you where all my former brethren are hiding! So, please, acquit me! I don’t mind the rest of my men receiving the death penalty!”

“…Verdict, the defendant is found guilty. Penalty is twenty years of forced labor in a prison dungeon. Court is now adjourned. Take him away.”

“Please wait! Long live the god Hades! Long live the Demon King!!! Zeus is the evil god! Please bring the statue of Zeus here, and I will kick it over! Stomp on it! Piss on it! I’ll kill anyone who worships the evil god Zeus! Please acquit me for being loyal to this demon tribe! PLEAAAAAASE!!!”

“…How inhuman.”


“I pity the demon judge who hadst to put up with that. I worry that magistrate shall lose his sanity. I shalt encourage that gent by sending an oracle that sayeth, ‘Thee can do this’ later.”

I didst not think there were humans who wouldst say such evil things about me.
I am supposed to be the divine king, yet there art humans out there who dost speak ill of me, I am hurt.

“Not all humans art scum akin to that blaggard. That miscreant has’t been part of the organization which worships thee. I hath heard people’s personalities can be much distorted by their religious beliefs.”

I cannot even receiveth the earth for myself, and on top of this, the human race I did create is bootless and maketh light of me.

I has’t had it.
I desire the earth to disappear.
Those naughty humans shouldst just be wiped out ‘long with the earth I cannot gain dominion o’er!

“Cease. If it be true thou do act upon it, we shall stand athwart thee with everything we can muster. Besides, how might thee destroyeth the earth? If it be true thou make wroth upon it thyself, thee shall also make to wage war with Uncle Hades and Uncle Poseidon.”

Thou faileth to understand, mine own son.

I am an omnipotent god, and I still hold retainers I can much rely upon besides that worthless race.

“Huh? How is such possible? The only people thou hast sent to earth is the human race…”

Hast thee very much forgotten, Hermes?

I shall giveth thee a clue; tis 4,000 years eald.

“…It cannot be.”

Oh? Doth thee now realize?

“But didst not the Three Realm Deities join forces to destroyeth every last one of those creatures? All of us were sent out to bear the consequences of thy mistakes. Doth thou have any idea how inconvenient such an undertaking was? I am getting angry just remembering it!”

Tis the gods, including thou, who art the fools.
Doth thou think this Zeus, the almighty divine king, wouldst allow such an end to all his trump cards?

There remains only one of those benighted pawns, but I did hide it somewhere on earth in tip-top shape!

“What?! Cease your plotting, thou evil god! If it be true one of those folks is unleashed, all life on earth shall kicketh the bucket, not to mention the collapse of the earth itself! I careth not how desperate thou art, but might thee very well indeed unleash that?!”

Aye, such is what I verily intend to do!

O’ angel!

Return now to life upon the earth which I hast forsaken!!!

After this, Hermes tied Zeus up while Hades and Poseidon got together to beat him up and teach him a lesson.

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1 year ago

Historically accurate Zeus. This artist knows what they’re doing.

1 year ago

He fricking released it didnt he? The last pawn he was holding before he got tied up and beaten?

1 year ago

So food, fluff or random weebabry to add the angel to the harem? Any bets?

Derp Cherp
Derp Cherp
1 year ago

See Zeus? This is why no one likes you. Even though every party needs a pooper, no one invited you.

1 year ago
Reply to  Derp Cherp

But aren’t party poopers party poopers precisely because they *weren’t* invited?

1 year ago

Oh zeus. When will you change ?

1 year ago

That darn Zeus. Never did like the look of him.

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