ITK C414: Life with a Cat

And so, a cat took up residence on our farm.
Or a Lifeless King, to be exact.

The Professor is the strongest member of the Three Wise and One Fool and the oldest of them, at 4,000 years old.
His age even surpasses Sensei’s.

Such a description alone would scare people into thinking he’s a terrifying opponent, but in reality, he’s a cat.
Right now, he’s napping under the sun.

A dog stares at him. It’s Pochi, the wolf monster, looking very melancholic.

“…Um, Professor?”

I call out to him, unable to remain silent.

“That haystack is Pochi’s sleeping place, so if you could please not invade it…”
“It’s snug and comfy here. Good beds will always be fought over. It’s the animal’s natural order that the stronger prevails, meow.”

Pochi looks at me with puppy eyes.

A dog deprived of a bed by a cat does happen often.

“I’d be more than willing to make a much better bed just for you, Professor. So, please…”
“Then tell me once you finish that new bed. If I fancy it, I’ll move there, meow.”

This cat…
If you’re going to be like that, I’m going to have to use my last resort!

“Hey, kids! The kitty cat is right here!!!”
“Mreowwwwwww!!!”

I know your weakness!
I hope you get tormented by these children who know nothing about restraint!

And then, the earth spirits came.

“Kill herrrrrrrrrrr!!!”
“Kill, kill!”
“Death to the kittyyyyyy!”

Huh? They’re awfully bloodthirsty today.
All I wanted was to wear him out, but they look like they’re in for the kill.

“We noticed!”
“Yes, we did!”
“The kitty is spoiwing the house!”

Say the spirits while chasing after the Professor.

“She shawpens her cwaws and scwatches walls!”
“She wips the shoji doors!”
“Her fur is EVEWYWHERE!”
“She vomits here and there!”
“We will not tolewate her dirtying the house!”

I see.
The job I assigned to the spirits was to clean the house.

They sweep and dust night and day to keep it clean.
For them, cats are the vindictive enemies that dirty the house with their very existence.

Just recently, they were so dazzled by the cat’s cuteness that it slipped their mind. Now, they’re back in their groove.

“Get wid of the kitty!”
“No mercy!!!”

These spirits really have no limits when their switch is on!

I remember when Arachne, an elder spirit, got swatted like a fly over and over, and the spirits justified it as “pest control.” This time, it’s a Lifeless King, a transcendent being.
Do they even know what fear is?!

I thought this was a little too much, so I stepped in.

“Wait, guys…!”

I intervene between the cat and the spirits.

“Please step aside, Master!”
“We won’t kill her!”
“Cuwiosity kills the cat!”

No, you’re the ones about to kill him.

I have to persuade these agitated spirits to pacify them by treading on thin ice.

“…I understand what you’re feeling. Yes, cats do make the house dirty and damage it.”

Such is the fate of pet owners.
It is a problem we have to come to terms with eventually if we want to keep pets.

But the earth spirits are clean freaks and see cats only from that perspective.
Persuasion by appealing to their emotions will not work.

And so…
I decided to try another approach.

“But cats can be useful too!”
“What do you mean?”

Okay, I got their attention!

“Having a cat around can prove quite beneficial to us. After all… they chase rats!”
“?!”

Their expressions changed.
It was as if they had been struck by lightning.

“Yes! That’s wight!”
“Wats are a catawyst for evil!”
“They gnaw on piwwars!”
“They feast on our food!”
“And they spwead diseaseeeeeeeeeeeeeees!!!”

The spirits’ hate for rats is showing.
But I’m surprised they know their stuff. They know all sorts about pests.

“And cats will fend off these wats!”
“Cats are so good!”
“White cats, black cats; any cat that catches wats is a good cattt!!!”

Their feelings toward the cat underwent a complete 180.

“Cats are great!”
“They are cute!”
“Fwuffy!”

They’re tossing the cat in the air as praise, but this is exactly the kind of nuisance they can’t stand.
After playing with the feline in all sorts of ways, the spirits returned to their work, content.

“What hostile yet welcoming and busy children they are, meow…!”

The Professor looks no different from an exhausted pet who has been played with a lot.

“Be warned that I’ll have plenty of countermeasures for you if you behave defiantly again.”
“As expected of a man acknowledged by Sensei. You’re one mean ruffian, meow!”

He reluctantly leaves the haystack, and Pochi dives into it with glee.
…Why doesn’t he do a little something on his own for a change, though?

“Don’t you have any pride as a dog?”
“He’s a wolf monster, meow.”

I know that.

“Well, Professor? Will you be working for us as promised?”
“What is this about? You’ll be doing the working. Quickly, make a bed for me. It should be cool in summer and warm in winter, and be of a reasonable size. It should be neither too small nor too big, meow.”
“Don’t you have something to do before that?”

You’re getting rid of the rats in the house.
Contributing to our farm in such a way is how the spirits will tolerate you, remember?

“Anyone who lives on our farm does some form of work. My motto is ‘Having Veil as our only freeloader is more than enough!’”

Honestly, even just his feline adorableness is a contribution in itself, but after what just happened…

“How about we catch some rats and show them you have what it takes to live here?”

The rats outside are fine because Pochi’s team has got it covered, but there’s no way we can let them indoors.

We’ve always had trouble preventing rats from hiding under the ceiling or under our floors.
If a cat is the solution to that, then great!

“No, thank you, meow,” curtly refuses Professor. “I am a majestic house cat. I pride myself on not working. Consider yourselves grateful that I fancy you, meow.”
“Is that so… Hey, earth spirits?”
“Okay, okay! I’ll hunt down rats! I’ll show you a hundred thousand of them, even, meow!”

You should have said so from the beginning.

“Good grief. You leave me no choice, meow…”

The Professor’s eyes look at our main house.

“Mreow!”

He then lets out a little chant, and instantly, multiple somethings plop in front of me.
Rats.

And they’re all dead.

“Hm, they’re fewer than I thought. Looks like you’ve done some pest extermination, meow.”
“Come to think of it, Platy regularly sets up traps…”
“So, I didn’t have to do anything? Either way, I’ve done my part. Now’s your turn to make me my bed, meow.”
“W-Wait! What did you do just now?”
“Meowgic,” he nonchalantly replies. “I developed this spell about 3,000 years ago to intercept dungeon invaders. It immediately kills any life form within a range I set. It’s pretty convenient, meow.”

So, he killed all the rats hiding inside our house and teleported them here?

…I was just reminded that this isn’t your run-of-the-mill cat.
He has mastered magic much like Sensei—an immortal supreme king.

Donate | Table of Contents | Read 500+ chapters ahead!