I hate women. But I hate those who ask me if I’m gay even more. I don’t get along with dimwits who associate hating women with liking men, nor do I want to. But don’t get me wrong, I am in no way being sexist. What I hate are the so-called retards.
For example, the old hag who was busy with her phone and completely disregarded the traffic signals should have died instead of me. I was hit by her car on my way home from school, and before I realized it, I’ve been reincarnated into this world.
I’ve ridiculed this type of anime countless times over the internet, but I never would have thought that I’d be a Mar(t)y Sue myself. I’ve been reborn as someone named Hawk Gold, an idiotic, fat little shit who’s the only son of a large company called Gold & Co.
“Are you all right?!”
The beautiful maids frantically rushed over to me after I received a hard slap from the new maid whose ass I groped, making me tumble all the way down my mansion’s ridiculously meaningless long flight of stairs in style. She, however, remains standing at the top of the stairs, her face ghostly pale. She must have slapped me by reflex after she felt my hand under her skirt indecently touching her, not expecting the momentum from it would send me flying. It was merely an unfortunate accident.
It looks like I regained the memories of my previous life when I hit my head hard. Wait, my personality seems to have merged with the other. Does this mean I’m dead? I guess not. My memories from this life are still intact. One thing’s for sure though, I feel like I can die anytime soon from the pain I’m experiencing; my head’s bleeding, and my consciousness is fading away. I literally just got here, but I’m about to die again. Someone, give me a break.
The next time I regained consciousness, I was lying on top of some canopy bed complete with drapes. You’ve gotta be kidding me, this looks exactly like those princess beds in anime.
“Have you woken up?”
Just when I was about to ask “Who the hell are you?”, my memories from this world came surging into my head that it hurt. Of course, let’s not forget the fact that I just fell from an outrageously long flight of stairs, but it’s not the outside that hurts right now, it’s the inside.
It seems I wasn’t one to have a sharp tongue. Had I been the original Hawk Gold, I would politely ask, “My apologies, but who are you?” But my memories from both worlds are all jumbled up in my head that it’s messing up my personality. It’s nauseating.
“You must not overexert yourself. You suffered an injury so serious, the doctor said that it’s a miracle you’re still alive.”
“…What happened to the maid?”
“She was handed over to the police at once. Though it may have not been on purpose, it was still attempted murder.”
Sucks to be her. Who would have thought that she’d end up getting arrested for protecting herself from being sexually harassed?
Sure, it was my fault for being so savage as to grope a maid’s ass without permission, but that doesn’t stop me from not feeling bad when I’m here being tormented by intense pain all over my body and my head wrapped in a bloody bandage.
“Do you have any painkillers?”
“You have already been injected with one. It is highly potent, and intaking an oral painkiller will come with perilous side effects. Would you still like to have it?”
“Never mind, then.”
“Understood. Forgive me for asking this, but who might you be?”
The blue-haired maid in glasses looked down at me with cold eyes. I’m clearly behaving in a way that’s opposite to the original Hawk Gold, so it’s only understandable that she’d have her suspicions. The original Hawk would have started wailing like a baby and cause a big ruckus the moment he woke up.
Idiotic, egotistic, and self-centered, Hawk Gold is nothing but a shitty brat spoiled by his father for being his only son. But he suddenly turned into a different person, so I guess she’s the one who has the right to be questioning identities here.
“I am who I am. Who else do you see in me other than Hawk Gold?”
“However, from the looks of it…”
“My memory is cloudy. I hit my head hard, remember? I’m only suffering from mild gynophobia after being dazed.”
Shit, I’m disgusted at myself just by talking. I know I’m talking in a way humans should in this fantasy world, but since I was Japanese in my previous life, I feel so weirded out, chilly, even. However, those were the words that came out of my mouth.
If only my previous life’s memories or personality completely overwrote my current one, not some half-assed mix like this, I wouldn’t feel so confused and uncomfortable. To the bastard who reincarnated me; If you’re gonna do it, at least do it right!
“You’re so persistent and awfully impertinent for a mere maid, Laurier. The likes of you should just do as you’re told.”
“Pardon my rude behavior.”
Ah, right, Laurier. I think that’s her name. Despite her young age, she is considered a veteran amongst the many maids serving the Gold household, so she must be the head maid.
But how should I say this… The air around her is more like that of an assassin. She doesn’t make a sound when she walks nor has a recognizable presence. I didn’t notice at all until I regained the memories from my previous life, but she’s definitely not the honest type. I suspect that she’s those one of those maids made for battle.
In most Isekai reincarnation works, such women should be told something like “Don’t treat yourself like some tool! You are an important person to me!” and then they respond with “A mere tool like me yada yada,” to increase their favorability towards you, but on the contrary, it decreased.
However, there’s no doubt that I feel neutral towards this woman. If anything, being questioned about this and that bothers me, so I warned her to keep her trap shut. After all, she knows better than anyone that there wasn’t any spare time for me to have been replaced with a fake after losing consciousness from falling down the stairs.
“I’m going to sleep. Tell the police that Gold & Co. has no intentions of making a scene.”
“As you wish.”
With this, the arrested maid won’t be acquitted, so she’s been spared from being sent to jail. This will count as her first offense. Thinking about it now, coming up with a suggestion like this really doesn’t make me seem like I am His Oinkiness.
I bet the original Hawk Gold would have whiplashed her, locked her up in the dungeon to experience gruesome torture as revenge. I can’t shake off the feeling that I’ve been reborn as a tyrant, but that still doesn’t give me an excuse to act like a sorry excuse for a human being.
Nonetheless, both my head and body hurt like hell, so I’m going to sleep for now. This is how I ended up spending my first day after reincarnating—bedridden.
Note: ‘sup guys, I thought the summary of this was pretty interesting(unique?) so I picked it up despite the fact that it just started a little over last month. I’d like to know the readers’ thoughts and reactions first before I continue to translate this on a regular schedule. If it’s good enough, I’m thinking of releasing every one-two week/s. If not… Eh, we’ll see.
Note 2: I really wanted to translate the title as “Misogynistic Moefag” but I figured only those familiar with 4chan know about the term…so I kept freak instead. Yes, the title is deliberately derogatory even in Japanese.