Chapter 3: The Red-Haired Adventurer Applying for an Escort Job

It has been ten years since I was reincarnated in this world. Since then, I’ve made it a routine to jog every morning for an hour, practice 1,000 sword swings, and do 10,000 push-ups. Soon enough my efforts have paid off, and I lost weight. I made a promise with a young villainess to become the ultimate pretty couple with her, so your once fatso villain has become a blonde-haired, blue-eyed hottie. After that, I discovered the cheat skill that was dormant inside me and became the world’s strongest swordsman.

Haha, pranked. There’s no way in hell that shit happened. Not even ten days have passed since I was reincarnated.

I think I have a vague recollection of a classmate in my previous life telling me that he’ll up his game once he gets reincarnated in another world, but you know what they say; once a slacker, always a slacker. Why don’t you try leading a different lifestyle starting from tomorrow and wake up an hour earlier to jog and shower before you go to school or work? Impossible, right?

I’m one of those people who give up on the very first day and go back to sleep instead. In fact, just setting an alarm the night before feels like a major achievement for me.

That’s why I remained an incompetent and lazy fatass even after I actually got reincarnated. Dieting won’t save my horrendous face nor does learning the ways of the sword or magic make sense when I’m going to succeed my father as a young CEO. But since I am reincarnated in a world where both exist, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t interested.

This world is like a social game with eleven kinds of magic elements existing. Each race, whether human, elf, demon, or some other, is born with an affinity to an element that aligns with their aptitude, and cannot use magic with a different element. To test things out, I summoned an appraiser to measure mine, and as it turned out, I had an aptitude for dark magic. My little sister Mari, on the other hand, had a light aptitude. Both our parents have a dark aptitude, so she really shares the blood of our mother’s old lover.

Though the aptitudes of parents are easily inherited by their children, it is not always the case. I’m told that a fire aptitude father and a water aptitude mother giving birth to a wind aptitude child isn’t a rare occurrence. But at the very least, my fat father will probably disown Mari for good the moment he knows her appraisal results, so it’s better I keep quiet about it.

Anyway, it seems the only way I can learn magic in this world is by going to school or hiring a private tutor. But Royal Academy, the sole educational institution in this country, only allows enrollment from ages ten and above. It is not compulsory education, however, for only the richest of the rich families can send their children there.

Putting this country’s educational circumstances aside, my family is crazy rich, so my father easily complied with my request of hiring a private tutor. Man, it feels great to be rich!

Only having an affinity for dark magic when there are eleven kinds of elements makes me wonder if I really am the protagonist here. An overpowered protagonist would’ve had an SSS-rank aptitude with all eleven elements, or is the only person who would be compatible with the legendary 12th element, or has the ability to nullify all magic elements in exchange for not possessing any. It wouldn’t be unusual if any of those cliché cheats ever existed.

Oh well, there’s no use in asking for something non-existent. Life is always unfair, and no matter how much you complain about the cards you’ve been dealt with, you can only play with the cards you already have.

The Adventurer’s Guild said that looking for a dark-aptitude private tutor would take some time. Hence, I decided to do my major cleanup, or more precisely a drastic downsizing and remodeling of our mansion.

If you think that it’s not an easy feat to achieve, you’re forgetting something: I am a nouveau riche son. Hugging my fatso old man’s ridiculously large beer belly as I pleaded him— “My beloved Papa! A maid tried killing me so I don’t want to see any of them anymore-oink! If you don’t fire all the maids in our mansion, I’ll start hating you-oink!” was all that I needed to do.

Are you really fine with that, Eagle Gold? You can’t even live up to your own name yet you still have the gall to name your own son Hawk when you’re both pigs. There’s a limit to being conceited, you know? Whatever, I’ll turn a blind eye to it only for today because things are in my favor. No wonder Hawk’s personality is so distorted.

That being said, firing all the maids would result in complete discontinuation of the mansion’s work, so we kept a few decent personnel such as the blue-haired maid who clearly has a dark side to her. We fired the rest of the maids who were ditching work because they were busy fighting for my father’s love as well as those who treated my little sister terribly. To make up for the loss of personnel, we’re recruiting a large number of people who want to work for us via the Adventurer’s Guild.

Naturally, barely anyone was queer enough to actually want to work for a household with a terrible reputation, so we had to lure them in with a high salary. As an initial investment, it’s an unavoidable expense. Besides, it’s my old man who’s going to pay anyway.

In the process, I remodeled my sister’s room, which had been in a state of complete squalor, and improved the ventilation in the mansion, both physically and in terms of human relations. As a result, the mansion drastically transformed from an abominable household filled with stagnant air to a much more decent and livable home.

The maids who were fired because of one retarded son’s whims bore a grudge against us and spread our bad reputation in town. Not like they’re adding any more fuel to the fire when this tyrannic father-and-son duo has always been known for their notoriety.

As I was sorting out the relationships around me, my father asked me if I wanted to hire an escort. It’s only natural for a doting father to make such a suggestion when the son whom he adores so much was pushed down the stairs and almost got killed by the maid (or so he thinks).

In this dangerous fantasy world where demons and bandits can easily kill people, not being able to secure my own safety at the critical moment is terrifying, so we contacted the Adventurer’s Guild and sent out a request to recruit skilled adventurers willing to work as an escort. Since Hawk’s bratty attitude was known by practically everyone, no one would take up on the offer unless we lure them in with a large sum of money.

Nevertheless, it’s great that the Adventurer’s Guild exists. The perks of being a Mar(ty) Sue reincarnate are showing.

Moreover, the unique science and technology of this magical world are already developed to a certain degree. Electricity using lightning magic, gas using fire magic, and water supply using water magic are commonplace. This is why there are showers in bathrooms that give you hot water from the twist of a knob, Western-style toilets with a bidet function using water magic, and other fantasy elements that ruin the standard of living.

Airships that look straight-out of an RPG soar the skies but no vehicle other than horse carriages roam the city streets. Gas lamps and lights are lit by magic and emit an ethereal light as you write with a quill on ordinary paper that is more widely used than parchment. Downtown restaurants serve you a big bowl of rice, saucy tonkatsu with thinly shredded cabbage, miso soup, and green tea as if it’s the norm here. The setup of this world is terribly confusing, so you can probably relate to me suspecting that this is some kind of fictional world. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s convenient, though.

After all that had happened, the day to choose my escort has arrived.

“Thank you for gathering here today, ladies and gentlemen. I will now conduct a selection test to determine if you are worthy of being my escort. I am a merchant’s son, so allow me to assess the value of your “merchandise” with my own eyes.”

A group of B-rank adventurers gathered in the garden of Gold estate which had the size of a small elementary school. Adventurers range from S to E-rank. A-rank adventurers earn enough money to lead a happy-go-lucky life for the rest of their lives without having to work as escorts. Most of them already work for other prestigious nobilities, so it’s unlikely for them to come to a nouveau riche firm like ours. S-rank adventurers on the other hand are full of inhuman people who can subjugate a dragon on their own and can turn the tides of war in one fell swoop, so their lives are also prospering.

Meanwhile, D-rank adventurers and below are either worthless people or those who have just started out. We don’t do earlier-than-usual employments, so I’m not considering them.

Hence, I decided to target the fairly decent ones who are lingering in C or B-ranks, who have a huge gap between B and A-rank, and those who think they have maxed out their potential as adventurers and want to retire or settle with a regular job. In the end, I narrowed the requirements to B-rank only to raise the quality even higher.

The test has already begun—unbeknownst to them. Those who look at me with ridiculing eyes just because I’m a kid get an immediate no from me. Those with bad posture or poor attire, even though their future employer is right in front of them are also rejected. We run a firm here.

Trust and first impressions are everything to a merchant, so they can’t be seen accompanied by some immodest hooligans. Those who didn’t suit up for an interview even when no one stated that casual clothing is acceptable and those who sit sluggishly in front of their employer are disqualified. Therefore, this is the perfect time to screen candidates.

“You, you, you, and you. You four are going for the second stage of the exam, so follow me. The rest of you did not pass, unfortunately. I wish you success in your future endeavors.”

“Hey! Who the hell do you think you are telling me to leave when you’re the one who told me to come at your convenience?!”

A boorish man began threatening me. Wow, he’s the exact embodiment of a small fry yakuza. He probably thinks a little intimidation will make a five-year-old spoiled brat give in.

“Laurier.”

“Certainly, young master. Ladies and gentlemen, if you refuse to accept our terms, I’m afraid that we will have to use force. This is all for the sake of our young master’s safety, so please bear with us.”

The blue-haired maid whom I ordered to be on standby suddenly emitted a menacing aura around her. And just like that, the adventurer who was trying to quarrel with me choked on his own breath and became immobilized with fear. I ordered her to do this, but exactly what kind of maid is she to easily send chills down this B rank adventurer who has probably had his fair share of experience?

Ah. One of the four people whom I just selected is contorting his face in fear. Sorry for him, but he’s out.

“Thanks for saving me the trouble of conducting your exam. You three will be proceeding to the next exam. This is where it ends for you, however.  May fate bring us together again.”

Hence, three adventurers were left as my escort candidates.

The first one was a bald and muscular middle-aged man who looks like a complete foil character that could actually get KO’d in a flash by the story’s hero or heroine at the Adventurer’s Guild or tavern.

The second one was a black-haired beastman of a certain age with a stern look on his face. You read that right, a beastman—and it seems they also exist in this world. It’s the first time I’ve seen one so I couldn’t help but stare at him even though it’s impolite. His face is just like a dog’s, and his entire body is covered in fur. It makes me wonder what the structure of his human body is like. It’s different from a fursuit… I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. As much as I want to touch him, treating him like a dog on our first meeting is outright rude, so I restrained myself.

The last person definitely is on a whole ‘nother level with the unique vibe she gives. A stunning red-haired swordsman, perhaps another heroine-type of character just like the head maid.

Lately, I noticed that there are people in this world with very colorful hair dyed in red, blue, green, etc. It is extraordinary even for the standards of this world since blond or brown hair is the norm for most people. But this doesn’t mean that they’re rare themselves, for not even her or the people around her point this out.

For some reason, the swordsman beauty with her long and flashy red hair as if to scream at my face “I’m a main character!” was appealing to me with highly revealing clothing, exposing her knockers. If I were the old Hawk who’s a complete sucker for typical women, I would’ve hired her right away based on her looks alone.

I dare say her ulterior motive is to easily lure me in by showing off just a little skin, assuming I’m some gullible and profligate son. That was the case until just a few days ago, though. Sorry to burst your bubble, red-haired heroine candidate, but your petty tricks will only backfire on a misogynist like me.

One hell of a wordy chapter this was. Hope you enjoyed some world building details, I know some readers dig that stuff. Next chapter is going to be a sequel.

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8 thoughts on “Chapter 3: The Red-Haired Adventurer Applying for an Escort Job

      1. Treigos

        Keep in mind that this claim is coming from an admitted misogynist who obviously would hold a bias in his assumptions about her attire on their first meeting.

        For all we know, she could be dressed up in the shitty bikini armor because that’s the norm in that world for female adventurers.

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